Wednesday 7 June 2017

Some reasons to vote for.....

The Tories

  • Because you are a multi-millionaire and like the sound of a cap on care costs, even if it's pitched as high as half a million, because you'll be quids in
  • Because you are in work but low paid - just above the income tax threshold (the Tories have pledged to increase the threshold to £12,500 and surprisingly this would probably help you more than anything Labour or the LibDems are suggesting*)
  • Because you are wealthy but are terrified at escalating private school fees and fancy sending your children to a state grammar school
  • Because Brexit means Brexit means OUT OF EVERYTHING don't you understand? And then just leave me alone!!
  • Because you are a real man, like a strong, female leader and still miss Maggie (be careful what more you say Phil, this could sound S&M....)
Labour

  • Because you don't think we should use nuclear weapons, even if we have been attacked with them - what's the point, everyone's already f***ed
  • Indeed because you don't think we should fight anyone, anywhere, ever (though police shooting terrorists actually in action is maybe now just about ok, says Jeremy)
  • Because, like Jeremy, you've supported every right-on cause and demo from CND in the 60s, through Greenham Common all the way to Stop The War. Indeed you still have your Che Guevara T-shirt, even if it doesn't really fit any more
  • Because, like Jeremy, some of your friends have been terrorists
  • Because you are wealthy, have a big house and are being cared for at home (Labour say they won't set your care costs against the value of your house for recovery after you die. But don't forget they are muttering about reducing thresholds for inheritance tax and planning some form of land tax.....)
  • Because you reluctantly accept the EU referendum vote but want to keep freedom of movement and be in the single market and customs union even though it will mean paying just as much in to Europe to subsidise the French farmers and Spanish fishermen and the European Courts will still be able to boss us about with random judgements drawn out of a hat - and, as a bonus, there might not be another unpredictable referendum to achieve this
  • Because you are (or were until recently) a card carrying member of the Socialist Workers Party and the Labour manifesto is a good way towards what you've been campaigning for all these years with no-one listening
  • Because you are about to go to university and, given you have chosen a subject which is highly unlikely to lead to any worthwhile employment, you'd be much happier if soneone else would pay your fees
  • Because it's not inclusive to insist on people in public life all being competent, it's only fair to have some balance in the Cabinet. (You'll be sorry then to hear that Diane Abbott has been stood down on "health grounds". Maybe the health grounds were that even Jeremy got sick of her gaffes?)

Lib Dems
  • Because you love campaigns and voting and can't wait to have another referendum on our EU membership
  • Because you believe in fairness and generously think EVERYONE should pay an extra penny on income tax, even those just above the tax threshold (just don't do the sums on how much that would actually raise compared with what they are saying needs to be spent**)
  • Because you like smoking joints, maaaan
Green
  • Because you think that there should be a gender balance in everything, even down to individual jobs. Therefore it is essential to have a woman and a man doing the same job at the same time, be it party leader, Prime Minister, premier league goalkeeper, monarch.....

UKIP

  • Er, seriously, I can't even think of a whimsical reason
I hope you have a better reason than any of these for casting your vote, whatever it is and whoever it's for. But, as someone who has seriously thought about voting Monster Raving Loony on occasion (because it seemed far less daft than any of the other choices available), I would say any reason for voting is better than none. Go do it!

*I included this serious one because it seems funny peculiar that this is the case
** The Guardian says here that the Lib Dem plans would raise £16bn annually but cost £30bn. The IFS says 1p on income tax would raise £5.5bn annually, so it would only enable a 0.7% increase in public sector spending, estimated to be £784bn this financial year. So almost in the noise really, can't see that making a whole lot of difference to the NHS, education and social care. Sorry to be a spoilsport, Tim. Of course the simple fact is that 1p on income tax is a traditional Lib policy, like legalising dope. If they ever got to do it, would they say in each following year that they needed another penny increase until the sums added up?


1 comment:

  1. Had a good chuckle over this post Phil, you should be on the stage as it's a good read. Oh by the way in a break with my usual voting preferences I put a cross in the Lib Dem candidate's box in Sefton Central Constituency:-))))

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