The analogue enemy strikes

Roy Harper recorded his tour de force album Man and Myth in 2013. I'm still dumbfounded that a man who, despite my admiration for him, made many patchy albums could make one of his best and most consistently high quality albums in his eighth decade. His song The Enemy recalls the bad guys we traditionally feared, the muggers, pickpockets and highwaymen:

We are soldiers from a different world, both her and I
We fight the shadow doppelganger
Of the shady passer-by
The lads go out drinking
While the girls try to keep an eye
But no one's on duty this side of the sky

The song is saying that, while we are genetically programmed to be suspicious of strangers lurking in the shadows, these days it's the hackers and scammers who are more likely to rip you off.

Not always though. After more than 40 years of travelling, while the antivirus and firewall software was guarding the other half of the sky, Mrs H had her purse taken from her handbag by a doppelganger from the shadows while we were on holiday in Tenerife. Yes we'd been drinking - a nice bottle of Albarino with dinner and we weren't on high alert in a smart resort. Sure, the damage is limited: not much more than a hundred euros, two cards that we blocked within half an hour* without them being used and, most hurtful, a purse that had sentimental as well as material value. Scammers can do harm on a far larger scale.

We didn't see this traditional enemy while we stood at the side of a busy promenade waiting to book a restaurant table for the following evening. But a concerned Belgian tourist saw something suspicious and suggested Mrs H check her bag. And he then legged off in pursuit of a small group of youths with me a few strides behind. At least we made them run for a bit.

We've been in many so much dodgier places over the years. In our street market drill I stand behind the shoulder she has her bag on, which is a decoy anyway as there's nothing much in it. I scan nearby faces rather than looking at the goods on display and scowl suspiciously at anyone who comes too close. Basically looking like a psychopathic bodyguard, which would generally make most villains choose a softer, or at least less  crazy, target.

Which is what they did this time. What upset her most was the fact that, recovering from a broken ankle, she was using a walking stick. So they picked on someone who looked old(ish) and vulnerable.

Mrs H takes an Old Testament view of this kind of crime and the appropriate sanction. No tough on the causes of crime for her! She would gladly go round and trash the villain's mother's (or preferably granny's) dwelling in retaliation in order to make them all see the errors of their ways. Any liberal leftie who tries to suggest this might not be quite the best way to handle such things had best keep their counsel in  her presence or they will probably get quite an earful.

For me the intrusion of an old analogue type of foe is unwelcome - and reminds me I can't react or run as fast as I used to. But Harper is right - the main enemy is on the other side of the sky. While it's our own responsibility to  be careful, the more I read about the scams people have fallen victim to the more I find myself incredulous at the pathetic processes and systems banks and other companies seem to have in place. In particular, I seethe about banks that won't co-operate with victims who aren't their customer, protecting criminals who have been allowed to open accounts with flaky ID to funnel away proceeds of crime with impunity. I'm sure there are all sorts of angles on this - after all folk might quite like to retract transactions they regret. But surely banks could cooperate to track fraudulent transfers. And phone companies who allow scammers to make it look like a bank or other instutution is in the line, just do something will you!

The banks deservedly got a bad press over the financial crisis. You wouldn't think their reputation could go lower. But it has. If they are giving these issues any thought at all they are making a very good job of concealing it. They're like one of Roy's shadow doppelgangers, effectively collaborating with crooks on the other side of the sky.

* at least we thought we had. I keep a list of up to date emergency phone numbers separately from cards and cash - calling the number on the back of the card is ok if you have the card. But I don't write down the card numbers and if you don't have the card.... The bank that used to like to give you a little eXtra managed to get in a total tangle and cancel the wrong card as we realised when we got home and a replacement had arrived for a card that wasn't stolen. Which meant the stolen card hadn't been blocked. When we phoned again they didn't seem to understand why we were agitated, given that I had already checked there were no transactions on the card. "Because you're obviously not as good as the other bank we had to call". Aaaaarghhh!