Best golf comments of 2016

I have enjoyed playing golf over the last year though, as usual, the results have been mixed. Which has actually made it one of my most successful seasons as the mixture was nearly as much (relatively) good as (absolutely) bad. However, you will not be surprised to hear that, for me, much of the fun is in the social contact, as people of varying abilities and temperaments pit themselves against the golf course in what is a relatively difficult, technique-heavy sport, in which the course nearly always wins. It's said you have to know how to suffer to play golf: I'm very much still learning this after more than a decade playing the game. Your playing partners can be eminent people in their field or everyday folk, but they all have stories to tell, so there is always some light relief. Here are a couple of moments from my 2016 golf year.

I've been told by experienced golfers since I started playing about the importance of having a fixed and repeatable pre- shot routine. I've never heard this said about taking football penalties by the way - why should it be different? Part of my problem with golf is that, if you ask me to do anything once, I might not get it right; half a dozen times and I might well start nailing it; fifty times and I'll start to make a hash of it after the first dozen attempts or so. Which tells you something about my ability to focus and concentrate. So it was not a surprise when, having a lesson with a pro who hadn't taught me previously and, after I'd hit half a dozen shots and helpfully reproduced some of my worst faults, he said "Right. Well, Phil, the first obvious thing is that you don't have a pre-shot routine". He wasn't very impressed with my reply: "But Richard, I have lots of them". Nevertheless I resolved to try to put right this obvious problem. And out on the course shortly after, while walking along a fairway, I was telling a fellow player about that conversation. His response (which you have to imagine spoken in a rather morose, deadpan voice) was "I've got a post-shot routine - after I've hit the ball, I say 'oh f***!'".

One of the important points of safety and etiquette on a golf course is to shout "fore" if your ball might strike or land near another golfer. And to apologise if practicable if you pass within range of a word or gesture. However, if you can see your ball will roll harmlessly past it's sometimes judged better not to shout as that can cause more concern than necessary. So when a ball rolled between me and another golfer as I walked from a green to the next tee on my home course I wasn't surprised or perturbed. Especially as we knew the group playing behind us very well. As he walked up towards us the player who had struck the shot politely inquired if his ball had come near to us. I said "no worries, it went between us" producing the response (this time you have to imagine a broad smile) "Well stand f***in' still next time will you, I can't hit a  moving target!"

Well, both comments made me smile anyway. Which is important every time you go out on the course, as most golfers will only infrequently achieve a score that they are really happy with.