Fantasy football - let's make PSR fun

 After the expected rejection of Nottingham Forest's appeal by the Premier League kangaroo court we await the verdict on Everton's appeal against their 2nd charge (which shouldn't matter at all unless the penalty is increased by a factor of 5). And then the expected charge against Leicester - which is ridiculous as they long since sold their best players to Chelsea, Manchester City, Manchester United and Tottenham. And, having given us the biggest fairy tale in football by winning the Premier League, all for daring to try to compete with the elite they had just gatecrashed. Truly a charge against Leicester would be offensive. (On the other hand, would it be fair to drop it having penalised Everton and Forest?)

After all that, sometime in the next decade, we'll get the result of the 115 charges against Manchester City and someone will eventually decide whether Chelsea have actually broken any rules or were just taking the micky.

Anyway, bear with me while I go on a flight of fancy and consider the following scenario. 

The premise is that, as in Everton's first hearing, part way through City's hearing this (ha ha) summer they realise they're nicked. They can carry on fighting to limit the damage to say 60 charges out of 115 or cut a deal.

 

Given the sanction on Everton (6pts for 1 charge) City are looking at a 360 point deduction.

The league make clear this would not get extinguished after one season, with City finishing on say minus 280 points. The negative balance would roll over as many seasons as necessary until it is all used up. So City are looking at 4 consecutive demotions (or worse). 

 

But, to avoid interminable legal challenges and to make things much more interesting they are offered a deal. 

 

They can compulsorily trade one player to each of the other premier league clubs for a mandatory one season loan before those clubs can cash in on the player, getting their compensation for being cheated. 

 

The premier league clubs would each get to pick a player from City's squad, based on an NFL style draft, starting with the club that finishes in 17th place this season and working up. City get a player back for the equivalent position in exchange so the squads don't get unbalanced. The clubs that own the players continue to pay their wages for the season, so there is no affordability problem for the other premier clubs. The 3 promoted clubs get the last 3 picks but don't have to provide a player in exchange.

 

So the first question is, who would each of the clubs pick? Because they can cash in after a year older players like de Bruyne and Walker wouldn't be attractive. Let's give it a go assuming the table finishes much as it is now.

 

Forest finish 17th and go first, so pick Haaland, as they are set up to play with a big fella and have wingers. In exchange City get Wood.

 

Next Everton, who need creativity, pick Foden to play on the right and City get their former youth player, Jack Harrison. (I know he's on loan from Leeds but let it ride).

 

Brentford needs goals so pick Alvarez for Wissa.

 

Palace don't want to swap forwards like Eze and Olise for the remaining City attackers so pick Rodri for Will Hughes.

 

At Fulham Marco Silva likes a footballer so swaps Iwobi to get Bernardo Silva

 

Brighton like to play out so go for Stones for Dunk

 

Wolves go for Ederson for Sa.

 

Bournemouth get Diaz for Kerkez.

 

West Ham get Doku for Cornet

 

Chelsea go for Gvardiol for Badiashile

 

Man U get Ake for McGuire

 

Newcastle get Akanji for Botman

 

Spurs go for de Bruyne (who nobody fancied on account of age) for Lo Celso

 

Villa get their ex player Grealish back for Bailey

 

Liverpool think about trading Endo but decide to pass

 

Arsenal get Nunes for Partey

 

The promoted clubs go for Walker, Ortega and Kovacic (I know I haven't really got this draft right, but bear with me).

 

The second question is how would it work out? Maybe Forest would finish in the top half getting at least 50% more goals than this year with Haaland for Wood.

 

Everton still struggle while Foden stands with hands on hips as Pickford keeps sending the ball 10 feet over his head into the stands.

 

Most of the clubs don't do much better for their one loanee but it's an interesting season. 

Mainly because of the crucial 3rd question, which is - how does Pep get on coaching this team and bench? 

 

Sa; Rico Lewis, Dunk, Botman, Kerkez; Iwobi, Partey, Hughes; Wissa, Wood, Bailey. Subs from Lo Celso, Harrison, McGuire, Badiashile, Oscar Bobb, Gomez, Carson, Cornet.

 

Plenty of premier league experience there, but enough to get 40 points and definitely avoid relegation? Then all bets are would be off, it's back to business as usual and City could rebuild their squad. Slowly and they couldn't immediately buy back any of their old players, they'd have to do it all again.

 

So if you were advising Manchester City, do you go for the deal?

Maybe they'd haggle and go for it but only if it was a season long loan and then they got all their players back. In which case de Bruyne would be snapped up for a year by someone in lower mid table. 

Should they go for the deal? Would Pep stay and would someone used to coaching elite players get performances out of a squad of donkeys (relatively speaking)? Which teams would benefit from one significantly better player transplanted in?

 

A fantasy maybe but it makes as much sense as what's actually slowly unfolding.

I think I prefer my version of the future!

The Bitterest Pill and an unexpected delight

A good tribute group can be well worth seeing. Amongst the best we've seen have been the Australian Pink Floyd and Rumours of Fleetwood Mac, both of which have been pretty well adopted by the real band and so have the best possible stamp of approval. These groups have, of course, always been pure tribute acts. But sometimes a band's membership has evolved so much one wonders when it's still the real article and when it has really just become a tribute act.

In recent years we've seen the Hollies, still with two of the original members, guitarist Trevor Hicks and drummer Bobby Elliott. So no Allan Clarke or Graham Nash, the two singers who gave the group their distinctive sound. But it still felt a bit like the real thing. (Well, it felt like it was the Hollies, not The Real Thing of course!) We've seen 10cc with one original member, Graham Gouldman. The set featured a video contribution from former member Kevin Godley which was a bit weird but it was a really good gig and yes, it felt like 10cc. We've seen the Stranglers, featuring three of the original four members, lacking front man Hugh Cornwell*. That was a good gig but it did feel a bit artificial. 

So off we went to see From The Jam which features one of the original band, bass player Bruce Foxton, in the 3 piece line up. So no original main man Paul Weller, who hasn't really spoken to his former band mates since he split the band up to diversify his musical offering in 1982. We've seen Weller live a decade ago and I thought he was super. 

From The Jam was started in 2006 as The Gift by original Jam drummer Rick Buckler, The Gift  being the title of one of the Jam's albums. Soon afterwards original Jam bass player Foxton joined and they changed the name to From The Jam. Why not just the Jam, one might ask, as that was now two-thirds of the original line up. Presumably because of who owns that name, I guess the other one-third, Paul Weller. 

Buckler has stepped down and the act is back to one original member. But as Foxton's bass sound was always prominent in the Jam I thought the evening might preserve (sorry) enough of the original flavour (even sorrier) for it to taste like the Jam. Front man Russell Hastings certainly tried to look like a version of Weller and the band played ok. The set started slowly (more of that below) but by the end the audience was rocking. It was an enjoyable evenung but it somehow felt more like a tribute act than capturing the feel of the original band.

Part of that was because the headliners pretty well got blown away by a 100% authentic performance by their support act, their contemporaries in 1977 to 1982, the Skids, who gave one of the best performances I've seen in quite a few years. 

I still have a strong recollection of watching the Skids perform their top 10 hit Into The Valley on their debut on Top of the Pops in 1979. Front man Richard Jobson moved like much more than Jagger, keeping up a fearsome pace as he bounced around the stage. I had forewarned Mrs H that, while the Skids still feature their original front man, it was unlikely that the now 63 year old would be able to move about just as much as he used to. Still I showed her the youtube video to remind her (you can see it  here). 

On they came. Jobson has much less hair now but my oh my does he still move. And while singing, whereas on ToTP he'd have been miming. A bit more boxing than dancing moves at times (maybe that's how he stays fit).

Not only that he's a great front man who holds an audience and commands attention. They did Into The Valley of course and I don't think I've ever had such a big smile on my face at a gig while also finding it impossible to stay still in my seat. They also did Circus Games from their excellent 1982 album The Absolute Game which we listened to a lot at the time and, as a tribute to The Clash they did a super version of Complete Control.

Wikipedia lists being a film maker and tv show host ahead of musician as Jobson's occupation. I suspect the Skids is his hobby. He told some succinct stories between songs while getting his breath back. He introduced Into the Valley by saying he got to perform the song on Top Of The Pops aged 16 and after the show lost his virginity to one of Pan's People. After the song he said he wouldn't be saying any more about the Pan's Person though it was on page 57 of his book available from the merchandise stall. And then in an aside "but it was a very big bra".

There were more stories from ToTP between songs, particularly about the DJs of the time (of whom he did not have a high opinon, especially Dave Lee Travis).

Being a classic punk band the Skids set was great for 40 minutes - twice that length might well have been too much. In contrast the Jam were initially seen as a punk band in the media but were actually regarded with suspicion by many punk fans. I think you can see why looking at some of the artwork on the compilation album Snap!:

These guys were mods a decade on, influenced by the Beatles, Kinks and, for Weller's guitar, Pete Townshend of the Who. Their first songs had a punk flavour but by the time of the third album, tellingly called All Mod Cons (nice wordplay there Paul) the music had moved quite a long way from punk, with increasingly complex lyrics as Weller spread his wings and the band started to win widespread critical approval. (Apparantly he was spurred into that for All Mod Cons by their producer telling them that the first songs they offered up for the album were "crap". Weller, who had been suffering from writer's block, went away and sharpened his pencil). 

Here's the album cover for that third album:

Not punks at all. And, if you zoom in on Weller:

Just how young did he look in 1979? Surprisingly by that appearance he was all of 20.

A big part of the problem at the From The Jam gig was that their tour is billed as the 45th anniversray of the All Mod Cons album. So not surprisingly most of the set focussed very much on that album. They basically reeled off all 12 songs from the album, with just a couple of other tracks slotted in, one of those a  Martha and the Vandellas cover (Heatwave), the other one of their own post Jam songs.

Now my bet would be that a lot of "Jam" fans came on board after that when the big hits started coming thick and fast. The Jam had a huge number of top 40 hits - 24 - but were slow burn until the 9th of them, The Eton Rifles, breached the top ten. So the audience were getting a bit restless until that song and then the other huge hits A Town Called Malice, Beat Surrender and Going Underground  came out at the end of the set and perked everyone up. Personally I loved the early, punk flavour, singles and I began to worry they were going to overlook them entirely until finally they played the first single, In The City, as an encore.

And that's where they missed a huge trick in my opinion. Following on from a full blown punk set by The Skids wouldn't it have made sense to start with In The City and perhaps one of the other early hits, All Around the World perhaps? That would have left plenty of scope to move on to the All Mod Cons tracks, build in some light and shade by interspersing some of the hits, and end with their most danceable song, the upbeat Town Called Malice, rather than playing it two-thirds of the way through. Which would have resulted in a much more rounded and mature set to hold up against the vigour of the Skids.

So sorry, Bruce. We enjoyed it but, while it was From The Jam, it wasn't The Jam and it showed rather more than it needed to.

As for the Skids, a super set. Not one of the best I've ever seen but I don't think I've ever enjoyed a live performance of a song more than Into the Valley in 55 years of going to gigs.

Now, if you haven't clicked on that Skids ToTP link, do it now, get moving and see if you can keep up  with Richard Jobson! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1Jis2d4W_Q is the full link if the button above doesn't work for any of you. Please do watch it!

* A chap I worked with around 1980 who shared my passion for the then current music scene told me he crossed paths with Hugh Cornwell in a railway carriage in the late 70s. Or at least it was a chap who looked exactly like Cornwell and was carrying a guitar. "You're Hugh Cornwell!" said my friend. "What if I am?" was the growled reply as Cornwell continued on his way, brooking no further conversation. Whenever I recount this story Mrs H always mutters "how rude", while I say, how fabulous, staying 100% in character for his public.

P.S.

The Bitterest Pill (I Ever Had To Swallow) was the Jam's penultimate single. Released in September 1982 it reached number 2 in the UK singles chart.

Many sources say the group's name came from Paul Weller's habit of taking over the music room in his school lunch breaks and holding jam sessions with friends, hence Paul Weller and the Jam. However, I read recently that, when Weller was trying to think of a name for his prospective band, one of his siblings said over the breakfast table "well we've had Bread and Marmalade how about the Jam?"